"Hey, let them have a private moment here. They will sign your autographs, take selfies with you and show you the ring after a few minutes. Please, go back. Thank you."
WOMAN MARRIES AN OWL
"And in Social News: A local lady marries an owl. She says that he is wise and grounded, but that he won't keep her down and always encourage to fly to her goals"
"You told me that you would marry me, Steven. And instead you are marrying this two legged beast. I'm gonna haunt you, i'm gonna make your life a living hell. After I finish the cake, because it is delicious"
"What is going on here? This is private property. I don't care if it's the daughter of a bloody Arab Prince. Turn the camera off. Turn the camera off or I'm gonna get pissed. Literally".
THAT OLD DOG
"Smile Cynthia, Smile. Pretend like nothing happens. Smile and make they think that this is the best day of your life. That this old stinky dog ruining your dress is not going to spoil the whole day."
"Hey, seriously. I don't know how to land this thing. Help me, please. You, in the white dress, help me. Come and get me. I'm gonna drown in a second. Call the baywatch. Do something!"
"Are you seriously laughing at me? I'm like four years old and you are a bunch of fully grown up assholes acting like you are from some kind of Sitcom, Idiots".
"I'm going to look at the photos of our engagement. I never did and I want to remember that day. I'm sure Greg took a lot of beautiful pictures of the beautiful moment".
"Hey, dude. I get that you are the pastor but we paid like a billion dollars to get this photographer. Can you stop being an asshole? I want at least one normal shot of my bloody wedding".
"Girl, is that veil for real? Good lord. I know I am a Beluga but you chose me to be your bridesmaid. I need to tell you that the veil is too big even for a whale"
"And so this is my underwear. My mom got it at walmart, they were on sale. I think they match my eyes and my dress and this little flower tiara that my aunt made me wear, don't you think?"
"Ok, Brittany. Just breathe. No one asked you about your boyfriend so far, or when will you get married. You are at your little sister's wedding and no one is asking. But I'm sure they are thinking".
"Good Evening, fine lady. My name is Bruce and I'm in charge of Flower Security. I need you to extend your arm and let me smell that bouquet just to make sure that everything is ok"
"Hey, look. I get that you are getting married and shit but you don't own the beach, ok? I will walk around in the world's smallest speedos if I want to."
"Oh my god, I just read in the menu that the main dish is turkey. I knew this was all a setup. I knew that crazy Tina wouldn't invite me to her wedding just because"
"Don't look to your left, honey. Whatever you do don't look to your left. Just close your eyes, this is the biggest moment of our lives and nothing is gonna ruin it, not even a warning from the Universe"
A LITTLE ENTERTAINER
"I know, I know, Things got boring, people. Let me entertain you while the boring part take place. Weddings, huh? Have you ever wondered why girls go to the bathroom together?"
"Relax, honey. I know you told me that I shouldn't invite my ex. I didn't, I don't know why he is here. Let's not pay attention to him, He wouldn't harm a fly, it's ok"
"There's no way I'm getting married again, Carol. Get that bouquet away from me, you psycho. If you want to marry fine, ruin your own life. I'm done with marriages."
"Hi Georgie! What a nice ring! Do you want it back? Do you want a balloon? I'm no stranger, Georgie, I was invited to your wedding, remember? I'm Alfred Pennywise, your mother's cousin"
DROP DEAD BEAUTIFUL BRIDE
"Marriages are the death of the society. Don't ever marry. Take a flyer, mam. Here you can see how marriages are ruining our world and provoking global warming, suicides and higher crime rates. Here sir, take a flyer"
"I don't know why I was even born in the Royal Family if there's no way I'm being a princess or a duchess or whatever. When I get married (If I ever get married) no one is going to care. I hate this"
"That bride looks miserable. I'm gonna kill two birds with one shot and show my abilities while cheering her up. Maybe her father can get me on The X Factor"
MOTHER IN LAW
"Oh my god, I touched her. I'm 100% sure that I touched my mother-in-law's breasts. That was not cool. Not cool at all. I hope no one noticed. Please move, move"
"I was married three times, you know? Last time with a doberman that was cute when I met her but then turned into a devil when she got the ring. I hate weddings. I don't give a sh*t about weddings".
"I'm not crying, Greg, I just have a little <My sister is getting married and I still see her as a child so this kinda freaks me out because I'm not even in a relationship> in my eyes".
"Hey there, my name is Doug and this time I bring you the latest trend in vacuum cleaners. I want to show you how this marvelous thing work, I just need a few minutes of your time".
"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I get your attention? The salad bar is now open, so we recommend you to take a plate and approach the big table in the back. Thank you".
"Hey, did you try the shrimps? Because I think I'm a little sick. I don't want to make you nervous but I think those shrimps were bad, Amy. Please, everyone, stop eating the shrimps! Stop eating the sh…"
"Honey, I saw some pictures online and I think that having a guy in ridiculous speedos are like the latest trend. We need to hire a guy in speedos to be in our photos".
"So, this is a rock. Have you ever seen a rock? This is a rock. A cool rock, a huge rock. But it is my rock, so get your fingers out of my rock, you moron. Leave me and my rock alone!"
"Jesus, is that a dude hanging from a cross? Like an actual dude? That's awesome, dude. Hey, wait, who's getting married? Are you getting married, Alan? I think that joint was a mistake"
"I'm famous, so I will pass by and smile and then you can sell that photography, it will be my wedding present. What? Zach Braff. No, Not Brad… Braff. The funny guy from Scrubs… never mind".
"I'm so happy for them. Truly happy. They are my best friends, you know? I never knew I could be this happy for someone. Oh my god, my chest hurts from happiness".
"I told you, mom. I told you we shouldn't have invited dad's side of the family. They are weird and naked and stupid. And they are ruining the best day of my life".
"Oooh, so THAT'S a kiss! I've been doing it wrong the whole time! Why didn't anyone tell me? That's probably the reason why I'm the spinster aunt of this family!"
THAT WEIRD GIRL
"Hi Karla! Remember me? I'm Ashley! From school! I heard that you were getting married so I came, because we were best friends back then and I'm sure my invitation got lost in the mail"
ONE MORE TIME
"Hey guys, I'm offering my services as speedo photobomber. It is very trendy and all the couples want to have a speedo photobomber, I'm sure you've heard about us"
"I told you to check, Mark. You told me that this beach was calmed and far away and that no one would bother us. Now we have the entire naval force of our country being invited to our wedding".
ANOTHER NAKED GUY
"I made it. I swam all the way from the United States to Scotland to stop this wedding. Sharks ate my clothes, I'm starving and sun burned, but I'm gonna stop that wedding no matter what".
"I can't believe it! Is that who I think it is? Is it? I need an autograph. And a selfie. And I want him to sign on my boobs, bring a sharpie. Oh, he is not who I thought."
"Oh, thank you for the applause, there's no need of that. Yeah, I know I look fabulous. my hair was done today and I'm wearing Valentino. Where is the bar?"
"I got three fishes, we can eat them tonight. My mom will be pleased. Oh, look, a bride and a groom. If they don't want me to photobomb their memories they should go somewhere else."
"You are so sweet, Maggie, thank you for having your old aunt at your party. I know that young people want to be surrounded by young people. You should come and visit me more often".
ALSO FEELING SICK
"Yeah, I think that girl was right! Those shrimps are really bad! I feel poisoned, I'm going to puke. You better move because I'm gonna vomit all over your veil, Kimberly"
"My mom always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. And you got me to photobomb your wedding photos. And kiss you".
"Hey, what's that thing? That thing over there! That white thing next to that gray thing. Are those? Are those…. humans? There's humans over there! Look! They are even standing in two feet!"
WHEN YOU SEE IT…
"Have you seen my younger brother Wally? He was right here, he is gonna miss the family photo. Well, maybe it's better. He came dressed like a human candy cane".
"Look at me. Look at me. Look how high I can jump. Look. Hey, you, look. I'm gorgeous. Everyone tells me I'm awesome. There's even a movie about a cousin of mine. Look, I'm hilarious".
"The cake is on fire. I repeat: The cake is on fire! The whole place is going to burn down! Run! Jump to the river and save your life! Haven't you heard? The bloody cake is on fire!"