Odd Vintage Products You Won't Find Today
We are used to inventions. New things appear everyday in our world and we embraced them really quickly. In yesteryears people would invent things too, a lot of things, but they didn't have the resources we have now and those inventions mostly failed. From monstrous machines used for applying makeup to flying cars, human beings always tried to solve problems that we didn't know we had. There was a blossom of bizarre inventions in the fifties and sixties, and we gathered the weirdest in this list of the fifty ridiculous products and machines that people actually used in the past. Take a look!
If you think that doing your makeup nowadays is difficult, imagine how it was back in 1930. They designed this thing to mark the spots on the face that needed to be highlighted and reduced with makeup.
Invented by Isabella Gilbert in 1936, the Dimplers were used to make dimplers or enlarge your existing ones. Scientist determined that it didn't work and that it actually produced cancer.
Today you can use chemicals and simple stuff to get your perm done, but back in 1930 that wasn't so easy. You needed to use a machine like this one to get curly hair.
This Ice Mask was created by the same guy that invented the micrometer, who apparently hated women. It was first used to refresh the faces of actresses between shots, but then they discovered that it was good for hangovers.
After you used the mask for your makeup and the machine for your perm, you wouldn't want to get wet. That's why you need to buy a shower hood, that will keep water out of your face and hair.
The Isolator was a thing that looks like out of Silent Hill was was actually intended to keep you concentrated on your work and studies, by isolating you from the noise and visual stimulus. Of course it didn't work.
Ok, this one is not for what you may be thinking. Or at least it wasn't meant for that. It is a gum massager that is for some reason shaped like an actual finger, because it is easier to buy a mechanic finger than using your fingers.
It seems that before smoking was considered a bad habit, people wanted to smoke as much as they could. And for that this device is made, to smoke tons of cigarettes at a time.
If you (like everyone else in this world) love your eggs square, you need to have an egg cuber at your home. That way you can get your eggs as square as you want.
This doesn't look dangerous at all. Four vibrating disks with four hundred and eighty artificial fingers will remove all dandruff and stimulate the circulation of blood. I wonder if it ever killed someone.
That looks dangerous for that poor dog and quite uncomfortable for that lady. That thing was a dog restrainer, because it seems easier to use this thing than to use a regular dog leash.
MOTORIZED ROLLER SKATES
This is actually pretty cool. In 1961 they made a prototype of gas-powered roller skates. You carried the motor as a backpack and a switch on your hand. I want a pair!
Reddi Bacon was a cool invention presented back in 1964. It was pre-cooked bacon wrapped in foil. You would put the foil inside your toaster and in a few minutes you would have perfect crispy bacon. The problem was that the grease slipped off the foil producing fire hazard and breaking toasters.
POKER FACE MASK
Way before Lady Gaga was born (even way before her mother was born) Poker Face had a totally different meaning. This mask was supposed to prevent cheating at poker games.
Women in Canada started to wear this cone-shaped masks to protect themselves (and their makeup) from the snowfall. They used to prefer to look like ravens than ruin their looks.
THE BABY DANGLER
Oh, this is not dangerous at all! If you want to go ice skating and you have an annoying toddler to look after, don't worry! Hang him using the baby dangler!
Used in New York in 1938, this revolver had a small camera that shot a picture every time you… well, shot a bullet. I wonder if those were the last photographs of that man.
And after you take your baby to ice skating, maybe he wants to take some fresh air. If you live in an apartment without backyard, just hang him from the window!
This thing was attached to the car bumper to "catch" the pedestrians that would get in your car's way, supposedly to save them from being run over. It didn't work.
London is known for its wet weather. That can be a problem for smokers. In the beginning of the twentieth century, they invented this weird thing that kept cigarettes dry.
If you think that cars can't fly, that's actually not true. In the seventies some dude made a car that could fly, and fly it did! It travelled from Idaho to California. The prototype was never commercialized because it was too expensive to be rentable.
If you want to scare mice out of your house, or you have the soul of a cat lady but you are allergic to cats, you can buy a Cat-Mew, a device that imitates the sound of cats.
TAN VENDING MACHINE
This vending machines were popular in the last years of the forties and the beginning of the fifties. For only ten cents you could apply as much tan as you wanted… only for 30 seconds. The sun is cheaper.
I don't understand why someone would've want to share its pipe, but inventors have a solution for every need. There's some romantic tension in that photo, let me tell you.
PAIN FREE PUNISHMENT
Paddling is a thing from the past, you don't see that very often. But at least, some guy had the brilliant idea of making a pain free paddle, so you can punish your kids without too much pain.
Who has the time to sit for hours waiting for the turkey to be done? No one. This invention is quite specific and it didn't work out for some reason I don't wanna know.
This portable sauna was made in the sixties and was advertised as a device that helps you to maintain your figure, your vitality and your youth. It looks a little uncomfortable.
That guy doesn't look like a surfer, but that's Joe Gilpin, an inventor who took the time to create a motorised surfboard in the fifties. You probably needed a lot of balance.
THE SEXIST BIKE
I don't understand what the hell was going on in Charles Stainlouf's head when he invented "The Goofybike" but he did invent it. Luckily the weirdest bike of all times didn't work out.
During World War II people were in panic. A british man invented a trolley that was completely gas proof and it would protect the baby in case of a toxic attack. Luckily it wasn't necessary.
GLASSES FOR READING IN BED
This is a great invention! I don't know why we don't use it anymore. In the thirties they invented glasses to read more comfortably in bed, a problem that we still have.
CAR COFFEE MAKER
In 1950, a genius invented a car coffee maker. He was not understood at the time, but his invention could make up to three cups of coffee at the same time, and it also served to boil water and prepare soups.
There are things that need to be extra comfortable. And there are things that don't. Lawn Mowers need to be safe and effective, but comfortable? This thing had radio, air conditioner and a mini bar.
GLOW IN THE DARK TIRES
This is cool! In the sixties Goodyear produced tires that could glow in the dark. They were made of transparent rubber and they had light bulbs inside the wheels. I want these in my car.
Anything that vibrates too close to the body makes me panic. This vibrating bra, invented in the sixties, was supposed to strengthen breast tissues and make them bigger through vibration. Incomprobable.
People apparently loved to tan in the sixties. A 10 years old girl invented this chair that allow you to read, drink and (in modern days) text without forcing your neck.
Some people seem to want to be inventors without too much effort. That is the case of this man that invented the spaghetti spinner, a device that solved a problem that no one had.
THE MANUAL GPS
This may sound a bit silly, but think about how far ahead in his time was the guy who invented this car navigator in 1930. It only worked in a straight line.
THE BED PIANO
The thirties was a decade that had a lot of people immobilized in bed for different reasons. This piano was invented for them, so they could play without having to move.
This invention was made for people to get the latest news at any time, via fax. It was quite a technological improvement, even for today, and wasn't seen everyday because of its cost.
Again, this is not what you are thinking. This were weird vibrating platforms located in London that vibrated for some unknown reason. People loved them, look at those happy faces.
ROAD SAFETY MACHINE (A.K.A. VINTAGE ARCADE)
This machine was made to test your reactions while driving a motorcycle, but it was also probably very fun, and it worked as an weird arcade game of that time.
A bag? Where we are going we don't need bags, we just need a hat with pockets to put out bathroom products and to let everyone see what brand of toothpaste we use.
Some austrian guy invented a robot that answered the phone, but it couldn't speak. That means that the robot only moved its arm and its hand to pick up the phone.
Why do you need to look at your back while you are brushing it? I don't know, but if you really do, you can get this device that allows you to do it, using mirrors.
If you want to keep your conversations secret you probably want to have a Laryngaphone. It sensed the vibrations of your throat so you didn't have to actually make sounds while you speak.
Honegat was a mix of Honey and Vinegar. According to its creator, Dr. Jarvis DeForest, it could be used to stop migraines and every kind of pains. I prefer my aspirins.
ANTI THEFT BRIEFCASE
If someone wanted to steal your anti-theft briefcase, you could push a button that would made the bottom collapse and all the things you had in there would be scattered on the floor.
It took a lot of time and prototypes to get to the perfect hairdryer and some may think that we are not there yet. At least today's models are easier to handle.
PORTABLE WASHING MACHINE
I think that we need to define "portable" again. That thing is bigger than the woman! How on earth is that washing machine portable? Imagine those machines that weren't portable at all!